Incoherent Thoughts
by Shino Kouen
Summary: This is about Fujin, and how she thinks of herself... This is also my first ever FF8 fic, so please let me know what you think of it!


Incoherent Thoughts

Tangled Mind of Kouen

The wind rustles leaves over my shiny black boots as I'm sitting on a picnic bench, my thin-framed body on the table itself.For a few brief seconds I will be on my own, yet even on my own I am silent.

I lift my eyes from the leaves and my boots to meet Raijin's dark face.Raijin is my compliment.Light verses dark.Wise verses naïve.Muscular verses thin.Talkative verses quiet.Thunder verses wind.

Raijin is also verses my voice; the thunder that fills the silence of the wind.He grins a stupid looking half-smile at me.A smile that suits him quite well.He is still watching me curiously, in my rare moment of solitude, so I lift my pale, white fingers as a form of salutation… a silent one.

"Seifer's waiting, Fujin, ya know," he nods, and I'm nodding with him out of instinct."He's impatient, ya know, so we should go meet him for lunch, ya know."We nod again.

"FOLLOWING!"My voice is loud and cracks, as if I'm deaf and cannot hear to control my own broken speech.I hate this aspect.

Raijin leads me to the cafeteria where Seifer, our fearless leader, is waiting with growing annoyance.But even when he is angry he has an heir of confidence about him…a confidence that is slightly contagious. I smile lightly, sure that my pigment-lacking lips do no justice for my all ready lacking in appearance face.Seifer doesn't smile back.I don't think he notices that I'm smiling in the first place.I stop smiling.

"Fujin's treating lunch, ya know?" Raijin says to Seifer.I kick him hard in his shin.

"INCORRECT!" My loud, scratchy, ugly voice escapes from my throat again.Seifer laughs.I'm not laughing with him, but I am smiling secretly, inside, as Raijin hops around on one foot like a fish out of water.

We are eating lunch, but I only pick at my hot dog.Today my thoughts are wandering.I am thinking about my life, and wondering if I am happy as I am now… I'm really not sure.

I have always been a lonely girl.Making friends was a difficult task indeed.I stick by Raijin and Seifer because they accept me how I am; a pale-faced, crimson-eyed, frog-voiced, eye patch-wearing, ugly girl, yet they treat me like a…friend.

I am staring at Seifer and he glares back.I drop my eyes to the play of now picked at food.I stand."LEAVING!" I shout, despising my words and cringing at the sound of it.Neither Seifer or Raijin says anything, so I walk briskly out into the round entry hall, sprinting to the dormitory wing.

When I get to the outer halls, I break into a full-fledged run.I'm going against a very strong wind, and feel very foolish, but no one is watching anyway, and if they were, they wouldn't pay a care.

In my room, I throw myself face first onto my bed, laying alone, clutching my pillow for what little comfort it offers.Silly things are crawling around in my head, and they're bothering me.I'm feeling rather stupid and worthless, finding a single tear seeping out of my eye, onto the soft of my pillow.

I am a lonely girl.

I force myself to stand.I don't know how long I lay there; letting those pointless thoughts devour the minutes…hours?I feel like I weigh a few tons as I drag myself to the mirror in the bathroom…but I know what I'll see.

Pale skin, like paper.

Stringy hair, like wet noodles.

I pull my eye patch off of my sensitive eye and peer into the blood-colored spheres.Venomous.No wonder no one looks into them.Who would?

I am ugly.

"UGLY!" I scream at the lonely image of myself."UGLY!"My face is hot, my eyes burning.There is no one here to see me cry, so I am indulging."UGLY!"I'm screeching.My lungs are getting sore."UGLY!UGLY!"I wince a moment with my eyes closed, then open them as I begin yelling just one more time."UGL—"I stop, mid-word, realizing that my reflection is no longer a solitude image in the reflecting glass.

He looks somehow concerned, and his black-gloved hand closes over my shoulder, spinning me slowly to face him.This is the side of him no one but me will ever see.He grins, lopsided, cocking one eyebrow, then brushes my tears away.

"Your screaming like that is fit to wake the dead.Don't be stupid," he's telling me, tucking my hair behind my ears, and meeting my gaze, his dark eyes locked on mine."You're not ugly, you're a goddess."

I blink, unbelieving of his words.I gulp, but it doesn't ease the lump in my throat."Go…Goddess?"My voice, for once, is not so loud, though it cracks anyway.

He smacks me playfully on the cheek."Of course.A Wind Goddess: quiet, thoughtful," he is complimenting me, something he never does."But with an occasional roar."He winks, very unlike himself."And the wind… is the most beautiful element of all."

I want to throw my arms around him, but I'm restraining myself.I'm smiling through my tears with gratitude.

"THANKS…SEIFER!"It sounds harsh coming from my mouth, but he understands, as he always has."WHY?"

He nods, and smiles broadly, putting my eye patch in his pocket.He turns and is spinning me by my shoulders to face the door."Friends," he sums it up in one simple word.He is, and always has been, my friend.

Seifer leads me back to Raijin quickly, who grins his stupid Raijin grin.People are staring, as usual, but I am ignoring them.I don't need them.I need to be no one other than myself, because I have two friends who accept me for what I am and want to be.I am beautiful in my own ways.I am a goddess.

{FINNISH!}

Authoress's Note: This story centers around Fujin, a little focused on character in Final Fantasy VIII.In order to understand the true essence of my story, one must understand the meaning of Fujin's name.Fuu, the first part, is the elemental Japanese word for win.The suffix, -jin, means royalty, or god/goddess.Together, Fujin's name would mean "Wind Goddess."Raijin's name, on the other hand, means "Thunder God."Another point mentioned in the story is the fact that Fujin is an Albino, hence her pale features and red eyes.I hope you liked this story, and I hope you will let me know what you think of it.


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